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BrittanyWell that was quick, wasn't it? And unfortunately, it's also not surprisingly in the least. The LA County Coroner has ruled Brittany's death was caused by "community acquired pneumonia, iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication", according to TMZ. That pretty much means that like Anna Nicole Smith, Brittany had some serious health issues but the people around her kept her too f**ked up to seek proper medical treatment.

Perhaps that's the real reason Slimy Simon canceled his fundraiser grand opening for his Brittany Murphy Foundation, a new non-profit he's founding with no clear goals or organization but worth, in his mind, $1,000 a plate. Perhaps Simon's thinking about the prescription bottles found with his name on them ... or all those ATM withdrawals investigators may find.

Will Simon, or anybody else, face charges over Brittany's death? It remains to be seen, but obviously someone dropped the ball. I wonder how long it will be before Brittany's mom (and heir) gets sick of his malarkey and sends him to the curb.

I'm fine. It's the rest of you bitches that's crazyAnd the kids too, of course. Charlie would never shag the nanny. She'd have to be waving pom-poms before he'd even consider. Nannies have always been more a Jude Law thing.

There sure seems to be a lot going on with Charlie and Brooke. First was Brooke's hospitalization last week, reportedly to be treated for pneumonia (read: cracked-out lungs?). Today came news (allegedly confirmed by her stepfather) that she's in some rehab place - for drugs, but her lawyer insists it's a physical rehab type place, not a detox and rehab type place. I think she could benefit from both: whatever gets her away from Charlie long enough to clean up her act and get her head on straight. If they do end up divorcing she'll need to have her shit together; Charlie likes to fight dirty, and publicly.

In the meantime, Camp Sheen is working double-overtime to make this whole ugly mess go away. They supposedly have Brooke ready to rescind her statements in Aspen, hopefully getting charges dismissed and restraining orders removed. And then what? Things go back to the way they were? That wasn't working. And if they were both using (and indeed they were) why aren't they both in treatment? He obviously needs it just as much if not more than her. After all, she wasn't the one jacking him up on the wall with a knife to his throat, was she?

Such a shamePatrick Swayze may not be beating pancreatic cancer after all. According to the National Enquirer, who originally broke the story of Patrick's illness, his cancer has spread to his lungs - hardly surprising, since he's still smoking, but terribly sad all the same.

The Enquirer says that Patrick had a "secret cancer operation" shortly after filming his interview with Barbara Walters to remove a "deadly stomach blockage", and that his condition has not improved despite the best efforts of his medical team. Right after Christmas he went back into the hospital for what his reps said was pneumonia; according to their experts (who are not treating and wouldn't know Patrick from any other dirty dancer) this was most likely the cancer spreading to his lungs and lymph nodes. If so, they predict he has less than a 10% chance of survival.

What makes pancreatic cancer so often deadly is that it has no symptoms until later stages; by the time the patient feels pain it's usually too late. It is also extremely aggressive and one of the most quickly-spreading forms of the disease, and unfortunately the treatment is so toxic it's almost as brutal to the body as the disease itself. I hope Patrick stays strong and proves the tabloids wrong this time. I swear I'll sit through all of Roadhouse if he does. Not just the fight scenes, but the whole thing. Swear.