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"Hate you." "Hate you more."Wow. He really is a crazy piece of shit, isn't he? I guess he was on his best behavior the night of his DUI in Malibu. That was nothing compared to what Oksana allegedly captured on tape. If this is the real Mel Gibson ... wow. Just wow.

Radar Online has the scoop on Mel's psycho rants, reportedly recorded by Oksana because she feared for her life. And rightfully so. In one, Mel tells her, "You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault." He also said that he'd burn her house down, but that she would blow him first. Nice f**king guy. How did Robyn put up with this for some 30-odd years? He wasn't a happily married father of seven who just woke up one day drunk and nasty; he's been like that for years.

Some people never learn ...It's odd. Most media outlets are covering the arrest of Vince Neil for suspicion of DUI this morning, but few seem to realize that this is not a first offense for the Motley Crue singer. It's actually his third or fourth, depending on whom you ask.

Vince was popped for a DUI in 1984, when he crashed head-on into another car, killing his passenger, Hanoi Rocks guitarist Razzle Dingley, and seriously injuring the two occupants of the other car. Of course, this was in the Crue's heyday and at a time when DUI wasn't taken seriously, so Vince did a lousy 30 days in jail and paid a $2.5 million fine. Even Vince still feels like shit about being handed such a laughable sentence. "I wrote a $2.5 million check for vehicular manslaughter when Razzle died ... I should have gone to prison. I definitely deserved to go to prison. But I did 30 days in jail and got laid and drank beer, because that's the power of cash. That's f**ked up."

I wonder if he gets frequent flier miles or something. He spends more time in the hospital than Amy Winehouse, but will admit to nothing. He won't even admit to being admitted a couple days ago. Neither will his daughter, who drove him there. The Hasselhoffs have learned that if you call 911 the paps will meet you at the entrance, so after putting up with Dad's drunken shenanigans for three days Robyn bashed him over the head and dumped him in the trunk. (Probably not - he's a big dude. She probably promised him a burger if he went peacefully.)

The Hoff, master of denial that he is, tried to appear the picture of good health today, going in for a fierce workout at a local gym that supposedly couldn't be done with a hangover. Huh. Back in my drinking days I'd hit the gym still half-drunk and just sweat it out. So I'm neither fooled nor impressed. I pity the fool on the next treadmill - he must have stunk like a wino.

But don't worry about the Hoff. Crusty old drunks like him will outlive all of us, pickled as they are. I feel most sorry for his daughters, who have had to put up with this shit all their lives, not only from Dad but from Mom, too, who just got out of jail after serving time for violating probation - she was still on probation for the first offense when she got bagged again. No matter who these girls live with they're going to be stuck cleaning up after a drunk, and that's just not right.

courtesy TMZWell. Uh, it's good to see her making good use of her time now that she's between jobs. Oh, who are we kidding here? Mischa's escapades with substance abuse, her difficult and demanding on-set behavior and the fact that anything she touches turns to shit, have all combined made her unemployable. It would be one thing if she was a slug until the camera rolled and then turned on the charm, but this bitch just doesn't put out, a total waste of time and effort.

So mushy Mischa has a lot of time on her hands these days. The phone is not ringing, and maybe her agent isn't even returning her calls anymore. With no job and no man in her life, Mischa has turned to the chronic for solace. That in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but not while you're out driving around - that's not only stupid and dangerous, it's illegal. You'd think that someone who earned a DUI less than two years ago would know this, but no one ever accused Mischa of being smart.

Will Mischa face any repercussions for toking behind the wheel and being captured on film? Maybe she's still on probation for the DUI - I assume if she's driving they gave her license back. Either way, this isn't the first time Mischa has been snapped blowing a doobie on the side of the road. Girlfriend needs to schedule her chronic for when she's off the road, but I guess her parents wouldn't appreciate that. It was different when she was paying all the bills, but now she's just a deadbeat stoner and her parents are probably supporting her grown ass. Maybe she can get a job with Burlington Coat Factory - she looked right at home in their duds.

2 and 1/2 grams?Picture this: Up all night, they were still drinking at 8:30 in the morning and they got into a fight. What were they fighting about? Some say it was because Brooke asked him for a divorce, but with a guy like Charlie, it could have been that she took the last beer. Blasted all night, coming down, getting cranky ... yeah, I could see it.

The Sheen spin machine continues to crank out the hits - against Brooke, of course. This week's nasty little tidbit, courtesy our friends at Radar, alleges that Brooke was treated as an inpatient for a "serious problem". Their source claimed she would disappear for days on crack binges and come back with bruises and a hospital bracelet.

There may be some truth to this - she was after all busted for DUI and possession of coke - but like all of Camp Charlie's spin, things are probably not quite what they seem. Or at least not as bad. And let's be fair: how many times has Charlie been to rehab? He was drinking on Christmas, too; maybe it put them in the mood for some other shit they had no business doing. And look where it got them, the dummies.