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These shots probably won't make the wedding albumWow, girlfriend, what's the rush? You're announcing today that you're getting married in two days. Is this like a real wedding, or a reality show/tabloid publicity ploy? Or is there some other reason you're in a rush to get married ... something a good church-going lass is supposed to save for her big day?

A "yes" answer to any of these questions really wouldn't surprise me. Not when it comes to Prejean, who's the biggest religious bigot/hypocrite to ever slap on a set of fake titties and hit the pulpit since like forever. A girl who has taken off her clothes for money. A girl who sends sexually explicit videos of herself doing herself but condemns the lifestyles of others. This is the girl this Kyle Boller dude brought home to his mama. The picture TMZ is running with their story shows the couple together looking somewhat less than smitten with each other. As a matter of fact, if you look at Miss Bitch's facial expression (all piss and vinegar) and body language (arms crossed, classic "don't touch me"), this all looks like something out of the Speidi playbook. Whatever it is, I'm not buyin' it.

Can jack a car in 30 secondsI really don't think the two incidents have anything to do with each other. I mean, is Brooke even living at that house? I don't think so. But something fishy is going on here.

About four months ago, someone stole Charlie Sheen's car out of his driveway and drove it off a cliff. Dumbass left the keys in the ignition, but he does live in a gated community with security and surveillance cameras. Despite all that, cops never made an arrest in the case. Today, it was reported that the same thing happened again: Someone stole Charlie's car and drove it off a cliff in the Hollywood Hills. Cops are checking out the surveillance video again, but might not be able to ID a suspect because of poor quality. So ... what gives? Or better yet, who did Charlie piss off? Couldn't be his ex, Denise. They're actually on relatively friendly (read: no longer at eachother's throats) terms these days.

Our own special stinkfingerWell, they haven't, not really, but they should. They're both about as real as Nessie, looking all banged out , and generally detached from reality. Avril and Heidi, I mean. Spencer and Brody are a different matter altogether.

It all started when Brody was quoted recently as saying his one-time pretend-for-TV pal Spencer has "lost it". I'd say that's a pretty honest assessment. The dude looks like a serial killer just waiting to happen. He's said to have spent all his money on these crystals that are supposed to protect him or keep him calm or something, but they're not working. Just last week Speidi were ambushed at their home by Heidi's mom, who had to be persuaded by police to leave. TMZ has pics of Spencer standing out on the front porch clutching a giant crystal, watching Heidi's mom through binoculars like a cracked out hermit.

She will get NOTHING!This was a long time coming. The shit first hit the fan in the King household when the story broke about Larry's wife, Shawn, having a steamy little affair with their son's little league coach. Classy, eh? Oh, but it gets better. Then we heard about Larry's affair with Shawn's little sister, Shannon. The couple apparently tried to make it work. Larry even transferred three of his houses to Shawn in an effort to show his commitment to their marriage, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or maybe it just wasn't over.

TMZ reports that Larry and Shawn both filed for divorce yesterday after a "nuclear argument" at their Beverly Hills home. Their sources say the fight started when Shawn looked at Larry's credit card statement and saw a Cartier diamond necklace had been charged to it. Shawn only married Larry for money; she could probably tell you down to the nickel everything he's ever given her, and she ain't got no diamond necklace, but maybe little sis does. Horny old coot can be very extravagant.

You two oughta be ashamed ...Once a scammer, always a scammer. He's not even that creative, but he certainly is ambitious. And with Brittany's mother backing him he must have thought he had a sure thing. I wonder if he's tried to seduce her yet. Word is he wasn't included in Brittany's will, and he's not the most employable guy around.

When the formation of the Brittany Murphy Foundation was announced more than a few eyebrows were raised. It was all too vague, claiming to be "dedicated to arts education for children" but not really saying much else, like how the funds would be spent or who was running the show. The foundation's website solicited donations outright and apparently even found a few suckers willing to drop some green. Simon even planned a $1,000-a-plate benefit dinner, kind of like a grand opening, after which he probably would have taken an extended vacation in the Caymans.