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I guess pink's better than orange any day, right? OK, seriously, Pink Taco is the name of the restaurant chain that Harry Morton's family runs. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Then again, the Spinster's all oompa-loompa, too, so maybe he likes 'em orange. There's just no accounting for taste.

Ahh, but we all know taste has nothing to do with the men Maniston dates. Their fees are probably pro-rated by the amount of publicity they can generate. Over the last month her spin doctors have been planting rumors about her dating all kinds of guys, married, single and imaginary, to try to get suckers into the theaters to watch her latest loserHarry the hottie: Is he broke? flick. Even the mention of John Mayer possibly coming in for a nostalgia f**k failed to rouse the public's interest.

Enter the sweet young thang that is Harry Morton - I thought he was hot when Lindsay had him. Then Kimberly Stewart tried to abduct him and eat his brains for a while, but he somehow managed to escape and he's been living a quieter life since then. At least until now. If he becomes Jen's latest rent-a-date he can kiss that quieter life behind ... at least until his contract runs out. Then, like the others before him, he'll scamper off into the sunset with a case of Smart Water and the memories of their magical time together. I wonder if she'll make him put out. I know I would.

I'll violate you like a parking meterYes, and I understand he got rather pissy with the cop who pulled him over. Stallone's ego is legendary; I can just hear him saying, "Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who the F**K I am?" Just look at the puss on his face!

Sly's new movie is doing pretty well at the theaters, but it's nothing compared to the way he used to pack 'em in. For those of you too young or too fried to remember, this is the guy who wrote, starred in and received an Oscar for Rocky. Laugh if you will, but that was a great freakin' movie, one of my guilty pleasures. (All of the Rocky films are. Hey, I never claimed to be an Ebert.) He was also Rambo ... and then there were gems like Judge Dredd and that wretched thing about his mother. Can't win 'em all, I guess, but you have to admit he's got a better track record than most, yet he doesn't have the A-list clout he used to - and it must piss him off something fierce.

Meltdown in 3, 2 ...It's an important element to successful recovery -- in order to overcome an addiction, one needs to make a clean break from the past, stay away from the people and places they frequented while using. Going back to your old haunts, visiting your coke buddies, following the same routines you did when you were using will only lead you down that rocky road to relapse.

Lindsay bullshitted her way out of rehab, plain and simple. There's no way a girl that screwed up could be "healed" so quickly. The kind of problems Lindsay has took years to develop; common sense tells you it won't be a quick fix. So what if she's going to outpatient treatment four times a week and getting tested at least once a week? This bitch has been thumbing her nose at the law all along, and isn't about to change her ways now. Why should she? She's gotten away with it this long, and she's got a large retinue of skels and sponges who are already tempting her.

NEVER FORGET: Or be doomed to repeatYeah, but would they let her not only leave the state, but cross the country, the day she's released? They can't discharge her without some kind of outpatient plan in place either - even convicted felons have halfway houses and work release to help them adjust to life in the real world. And I'm sure she'll still have probation to deal with, so hopefully she can keep her nose clean, at least until that's over. But could the disaster that Lindsay has become over the last three years really be fixed that quickly? Do they really expect us to believe that Lindsay is not the addict alcoholic thieving conniving piece of shit we all watched her become, but is instead the victim of a misdiagnosis of ADHD, that it was the Adderall that made her like that and not the people, places and things she was doing?

And I STILL have to wear the stupid bracelet?!?The little crackhead that could and did until they slapped a bracelet on her finally got a wake-up call today. I'm stunned, actually, that she didn't con her way free of probation and the SCRAM bracelet - in her twisted little mind that's probably exactly what she thought would happen.

Judge Revel finally laid down some law today in Lindsay's probation violation hearing. She sentenced Lindsay to 90 days in jail followed by 90 days of inpatient rehab. That 90-day hitch will end up being less than a month with all that time served, good behavior, you're a celebrity so we'll order in from Nobu and get you out before you wreck your manicure Hollywood shit.