Syndicate

Ooh, all those big, scary animals!Man, he better take some of those millions he's tithing to the Barley Milk people and invest in a good periodontist. He's looking more and more toothsome each year. At least he has the sense not to get those giant Chiclet caps, but he's going to scare the horses on this new Western he's allegedly slated to be in.

According to The Evil Beet, the little Cruise-ster is set to star in Paper Wings, where he plays a twerpy little Bible salesman who is run out of town at the end of a pitchfork after getting caught out on the North 40 with a tender young steer not his own. OK, OK, I made that up, but it's still more believable than the role as written, a "rough and tumble rodeo champ who woos an up-and-coming country singing star". Rough and tumble? Woos? He must have been wearing that push-up corset again. He can do as many of his own stunts as he likes; he's no Scottish dogwalker or Billy Goat Pitt (Don't shave it off, Brad! It's mad sexy!). He probably has the hands of a princess. He's certainly no rough and tumble cowboy.

Tom's co-star for the film is rumored to be Reese Witherspoon. I guess she can pull off the role - she did win an Oscar for Walk The Line - but this is sure to be a test of her acting skills, pretending to be smitten with the likes of Cruise. She'll probably end up drinking on the job to get it done.

Just act casual. No one will suspect a thing.Let's face it. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were never really an item. They have/had a movie to promote and that's the Spinster's MO - play it up with a co-star (or paid escort) for the premieres then let him off the leash. They probably threw him a bone for macking it up the way they did. Since a brief and cordial vacation in Mexico they haven't been spotted together.

That's not to say that the Scottish cocksman has been idle. Big dogs, little dogs, short dogs, tall dogs, Gerry's got a leash to fit them all. He looks to be following in the footsteps of Mickey Rourke, who recently bragged of bedding more than a dozen women a night. Butler does appear to have better taste than Rourke, though. According to Hollywood Life, Gerry and Madge got it on at a private Oscars after-party. They didn't leave together, but that doesn't mean anything. They could have met up in the parking lot for a little heel-sit-stay action. I'm sure he brought his muzzle. All good dogwalkers come prepared.

Will anything come of this unusual but saucy pairing? Probably not. Baby Jesus is still buzzing around (and probably still on the payroll) and Butler has said that he won't be ready to marry for another 20, 30 years. Of course by then he'll probably look like Ed Asner, but by then we'll all be over him, too. It all works out.

Thinks she's better than youIt's also unfortunate that her poor co-workers have to put up with her arrogant snot-nose attitude. And for what? It's McDreamy and Steamy that people watch Grey's for, not this bitch.

But she's made a little name for herself, and her movie with the Scottish dogwalker isn't doing too bad. She even tries to be nice to people now and then. The only problem is she can't keep up the facade: sooner or later that bitchface comes shining through. And that's why we all hate her.

Hag-l was recently on Letterman bitching about the 17-hour day she had to work on her first day back from pretending to be a big movie star and how it was cruel and mean." Um, yeah. What she doesn't say is the reason they had to work such a long day: to make up for all the time they had to wait for her to put out her nasty cigarettes and join them on the set.

Well, ABC entertainment pres Steve McPherson isn't putting up with her shit. When told of Haggardl-y's snippy remarks, McPherson sighed, shook his head and said it was "unfortunate" that this one bad apple was making everyone look bad with her bratty behavior. I agree, Steve. So how 'bout just ordering a nice little Mischa Barton-style farewell for Katherine? She obviously doesn't appreciate what she's got, and there are so many more talented professionals who would.