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Wonky & Greasy Came ThisClose To Spending New Year's Behind Bars, Lose Their Coke, Viagra & Sleeping Pills

STD Farm World TourSTD Farm World TourWow. I guess we can put all those Paris sleeping with the Clooney to rest, can't we? Good thing, too. I was beginning to get a little hot under the collar.

Speaking of hot and bothered, it appears that Paris and her forever gamey buddy, Brandon Davis, escaped some nasty police action by mere minutes - if their driver had gotten pulled over after he picked them up, instead of before, this story would read a whole lot differently. We'd be looking at another pair of classic mugshots: Dead Eye and her accomplice Non Stick.

Said driver was clipped for drunk driving. When the popo decided to search the vehicle they found a few bags of coke-like white powder, some little blue pills to make your dick hard, and some other little pills to put your lights out when the party's over.

Don't look for these two to spend any time behind bars, though. They weren't in the car at the time; that driver could make up any name for his passengers. What makes this story really interesting is the fact that the car is owned by the man who paid for Mimi to host NYE. I always thought she traveled in much better circles; was this one of her husband's friends?

 

Hannah, Billy Ray And The Underwear Boy: Just Whose Team Does That Boy Play On?

Whose turn is it?Whose turn is it?There's a whole helluva lot of body language going on in this picture. And Miley has some huge hands. It's like that Seinfeld episode about the man hands. Yes, I know that those are actually both Billy Ray's hands; isn't where he has placed them interesting? Is it a sign of familiarity, or is he having sex in his mind again?

Miley, for her part, can't stop smiling, or is she just baring her teeth because she still can't get her lips around those giant veneers? And why should she stop smiling? She's on top of the world, and if she's got to share her boyfriend with her dad sometimes, that's OK. They share a spiritual bond of some kind or another.

And then there's little Justin Gaston, le petit garçon de sous-vêtements avec peu de fierté et moins de cerveau. What does he care if he gets passed around? This whole gig has been great for his career. He might even be able to afford a real apartment and a set of wheels soon.

 

Did Lindsay and Samantha break up? Is this the end of her lesbian phase?

LindsayLindsayRumor is that Lindsay and Samantha have called it quits. Maybe Lindsay decided the whole lesbian chic thing went out the window with gladiator sandals. Lindsay does however still think the whole heroin chic look is still very cool. Have you seen how skinny she is? She practically makes Samantha Ronson look fat. But the girl can rock a bikini.Lindsay and SamLindsay and Sam

 

Heather Locklear Will Be Available For That Melrose Place Reunion After All

You'll never get me, dirty coppers!You'll never get me, dirty coppers!Hats off to Blair Berk. She's gotten more celebrities off than coke, Oxy and Adderall combined - and legally.

Heather Locklear was allowed to plea her DUI down to misdemeanor reckless driving with a teeny weeny fine ($700), three years' "informal" probation and a 12-hour drug ed course. Of course Heather herself didn't actually have to appear; one of the perks of being able to afford high-end counsel is not having to get out of bed in the morning to beat your case.

What's Heather going to do next? Hard to say. She may sign up for that Melrose reunion the CW keeps talking about. They'd probably have to pay her twice what they pay the rest of the cast, but she's worth it. Or maybe she'll go off looking for Jack Wagner, who's become all but nonexistent since her bust. It could just be that he's still there for her but publicity shy, but I dunno. He just looks like the totally self-absorbed type to me. He was probably living at her house and cashing her residual checks while she was in rehab.

 

Friday Night Lights is finally coming back to real television! That means more Riggins all the time!!

the castthe castI completely forgot that Friday Night Lights even still existed because it was on that weird satellite channel (though you can download it illegally if you are clever.) After a sortuv depressing second season the show has returned with a bang. Lyla and Tim Riggins are full on dating, Matt and Julie slowly rekindle their love and now that they are both a year older it is a much more intense relationship, Smash has graduated, Jason Street buys a house, Tami is principal, Coach Taylor is intense and of course, Landry pines over Tyra as she continues to date abusive men. Oh and there might be some football as well. I really think Riggins needs to get a spin-off called "Riggins Does Activities Shirtless." Everyone would really enjoy that.RigginsRiggins

 
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